i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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