I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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