He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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