I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
