I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
