i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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