Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
