what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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