I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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