my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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