you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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