why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
