He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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