It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
