my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
