Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize