Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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