hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
