Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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