How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We have so much sex to catch up on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
