i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize