can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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