I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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