im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
