God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
