ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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