Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
