Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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