Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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