we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
