Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fuck appropriateness.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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