Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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