he shaved USA in his pubs
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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