saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
