Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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