So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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