I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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