its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
