no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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