well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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