i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
