I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
