Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
