I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
