Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
