This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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