You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
