You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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