I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
