apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
