maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
