Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
