dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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