She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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