I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
