Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
