just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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