if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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