The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
