She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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