What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
